


Another Life

by LovelyLadyLuck



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Brief Mention of Violence, F/M, Quinncident, Regrets, Sad, Songfic, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26261899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLadyLuck/pseuds/LovelyLadyLuck
Summary: They had once loved one another passionately.But that was a long time ago, before it all went wrong.
Relationships: Malavai Quinn/Female Sith Warrior
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Another Life

**Author's Note:**

> The song is Another Life by Motionless in White feat. Kerli. I heard it for the first time this afternoon and immediately had to write this story to go with it, the song just fits too perfectly with the Quinncident aftermath to pass up.
> 
> Please note, this is not my normal SW Finlee, this is just a random nameless SW. I have different plans for how Finlee and Quinn handle the Quinncident, very different plans.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended in my use of these song lyrics!

_If I can’t let you go, will darkness divide?  
For the fiction of love is the truth of our lies.  
We were playing for keeps, but we both knew the cost.  
Now the only way out’s in your heart shaped box ___

She’d never felt such crushing heartbreak before, had never truly known the sort of pain it could bring until she’d been staring at him standing in front of two massive war droids, spouting poison and refusing to look at her. The words he spoke hardly registered in her mind, but they didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was he’d betrayed her, sold her out to the man who had tried to kill them both and claim a throne that wasn’t his to have. 

Couldn’t he see that this was a mistake? That she was on the path of truth? He’d been with her when she’d met the Emperor’s True Voice in the Dark Heart, seen her declared his Wrath, so why was he pointing a gun at her now?

_But I hate that it seemed you were never enough.  
We were broken and bleeding but never gave up.  
And I hate that I made you the enemy.  
And I hate that your heart was the casualty.  
Now I hate that I need you _ ____

____He caught a brief glimpse of a woman in black armor with auburn hair, and for a moment his heart lurched, only to sink again when she turned and revealed she wasn’t...her._ _ _ _

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__His XO quickly distracted him with yet another form or duty roster that needed his signature. He didn’t really pay attention, Captain Inverness was a dutiful officer and he was grateful that he could trust her enough to sign what she brought him blindly. He supposed much of her loyalty was her own gratitude toward him, for giving a zabrak such a chance and high position. Much of his current brigade was made up of non-humans of some stripe, many of them former slaves. Other units had derided him for accepting them, and for fighting so hard to establish the 602nd Special Tasks Unit, nicknamed the “Mongrels”. They’d soon had to shut their mouths when met with their nearly-unbroken record of success, and he’d felt such overwhelming satisfaction and smugness when his unit had pulled the most vocal of their detractors from certain death. In four years, the “Mongrels” had accounted for more victories than many units did in ten._ _

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__He looked back over his shoulder, but the auburn haired woman was gone. He didn’t really know why he’d looked back, he knew it wasn’t...her, but he’d long since learned not to try to apply logic to emotions. He didn’t even really know if he wished it was her, or why he might want to see her face if it was._ _

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_As we rest here alone like notes on a page  
The finest to compose could not play our pain  
With a candle through time I can still see your ghost  
But I can’t close my eyes, for it  
For it is there where you haunt me most  
Where you haunt me most…_

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The nights were the hardest. The first few weeks after the _incident, _she’d been able to sleep dreamlessly due to sheer exhaustion, but after they’d left Corellia the dreams had started. Even after she’d killed Baras and gotten rid of _him, _they still continued, and it seemed they’d never stop. At first they were nightmares; she relived her fight with the droids over and over again, saw herself choke him, throw him against the bulkhead, smelled tibanna gas and blood._ _ __

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__She preferred those nights. She preferred the nights he tried to kill her, because even worse than those were the nights she relived the other parts of their relationship. The good parts, when they were happy, in love, when they had a future. All his secret smiles meant just for her, the little turns of phrase hiding deeper meaning that were the closest he would ever get to telling a joke, brushing her fingers over his when she handed him something._ _

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__And then, Quesh. Baras had dropped a cave on them, and then they were on the run. She’d been so preoccupied with her new mission, with staying alive. He’d been such a starssend, taking over even more than he usually did, always making sure they were one step ahead of Baras. Never complaining at her actions, the stress they were under. Never fussed. The others had complained, so much. They’d tried her volatile temper incessantly, and she was sure Pierce still bore scars from the one time he’d fully crossed the line. But never him. He’d been dutiful and obedient and silent. She’d thought his lack of vocalized doubts and complaints meant that he’d had none. How wrong she’d been._ _

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_I hate that it seemed you were never enough  
We were broken and bleeding but never gave up  
And I hope that I sing through your memory  
As we echo through time in the melody  
Now I hate that I need you ___

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She’d taken him for granted. She hadn’t realized how much she relied on him until she’d unceremoniously transferred him out of her service. In the four years since, she’d gone through as many seconds, and none of them had lasted long. One had requested a transfer after only six months, and the longest had barely lasted two years. Of her original crew, only Broonmark remained. Pierce had finally had enough two years beforehand, and had accepted a promotion and a new station somewhere. It didn’t matter where, as long as it was away from her. Jaesa, despite her protestations of eternal loyalty, had followed him only a few months later. She’d heard they’d gotten married four months ago, and seen a photo of their wedding. Jaesa had practically glowed, and the way Pierce looked at her… 

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__Vette had found her weeping in her room, and the whole sordid tale of her own failed romance had come spilling out. Once she stopped shedding tears, Vette had looked her straight in the eyes and told her some very hard truths she’d needed to hear. Opened her eyes to her own mistakes, and the part she’d played in his decision. The blame lay just as much, if not more, with her than with him. He’d been trapped in the power play between two sith, and between the two of them, she was the one who lost._ _

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Or rather, it was him who had lost. Lost trust in her, in her leadership, and she couldn’t blame him. Not when she’d acted so unlike how she had before; she’d been temperamental, irrational, cruel. She hadn’t _listened, _and that was the worst part. Looking back, she could see all the times he’d reached out to her, trying to tell her his concerns, his fears, and she’d ignored him, dismissed him as she had the others. It was her fault.__

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_And I hear you now when you said it hurt, but it had to fall,  
Fall apart to work  
As I see you now in what’s left of me  
Is it too late to plead insanity?_

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__He hated these parties. He’d attended many of them over the years, and generally relied on generous amounts of brandy to get through the tedium with his sanity intact, a tactic he’d learned from his old friend Ovech. Unfortunately, the man wasn’t going to let him take the easy way out tonight, not when the party was thrown in honor of his promotion. In the past he had, but tonight’s promotion he had insisted they had to be sober for. Bastard._ _

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__Moff Quinn. The title had a nice ring to it, and he fingered his new bars with pride and no small amount of lingering disbelief. All those years languishing in obscurity, he’d given up hope of ever getting off kriffing Balmorra or rising above the rank of Lieutenant, and now he’d finally achieved everything he’d dreamed of._ _

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__Ovech was loudly telling a story about some exploit or other to a rapt audience of several fresh-faced young officers and the giggling young women who accompanied them. One had auburn hair, and his heart faintly ached. It had never stopped reacting whenever he saw a woman with that shade of hair, although it had lessened over the many years. It had never been her, though. She’d have been so proud of him, finally reaching the rank he had, had predicted it all those years ago. At the time, he hadn’t believed her._ _

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__It had been a long time since he’d really thought about her with more than a faint wisp of thought or memory, but tonight the lack of her presence was never more clear. He scanned the crowd, but saw no other women with auburn hair like hers, almost red that shone like gold. He didn’t really expect to see her, not after the way things had ended between them, her heart shattered and his throat crushed. The scars from the surgery to replace his voice box had faded, but were still visible._ _

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__Too much had been broken between them to ever repair, but if there was something next, some sort of afterlife, or next life, perhaps they’d see each other again. He’d like that, he thinks._ _

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_Cause I hate that it seemed you were never enough_  
_You were broken and bleeding in the name of love  
And I hope that we meet in another life_

___She exited the grand ballroom, frantically wiping away her tears. She climbed into the waiting taxi, finally giving into the tears once it began to move towards her apartment. He’d been as handsome as the day she’d first seen him. That was almost the hardest part. His black hair was now grey, almost white, and a few wrinkles had settled around his eyes and mouth, but his eyes were still the same shade of blue she’d loved so much, and as sharp as ever. The years had been kind to him, and he’d finally gotten what he’d deserved. At nearly sixty, he was a little older than most who made Moff, but he’d done so on his own merit, without any family connections or her influence._ _ _

___She hadn’t spoken to him, and had made sure that he hadn’t seen her. She didn’t want to ruin the night for him, he deserved his happiness without her spoiling it. There was no chance left for them now, not with how she’d hurt him and the yawning gap of years since they’d last spoken, but she’d had to see him one more time. She didn’t have long, a few weeks at most, probably less, and she’d spent the last few weeks making peace with her life as best she could._ _ _

___As she watched the rain fall down the window of her bedroom, curled up in her too large bed, she hoped that whatever came next would be better. That she’d be better. And maybe they’d cross paths once more.__ _

_I hope that we meet in another life... ___


End file.
